nellie

The Cowboy
Hacker Queen

She met a guy at the ISP
He fed her corn chips and caffeine and LSD
And he gave her a key
To a room in the back
Where she could keep her effects
Among the old electronics - strictly platonic
Cause he was only interested in virtual sex.

He introduced her to the big machines
They were the craziest items she’d ever seen
Like a terrible dream
But she sat down at a terminal and made ‘em scream
It was infatual - she was a natural
To be the Cowboy Hacker Queen.

She hacked the Network, working through the night
Her CRT was an old one but her eyes were bright
She followed the light
Of the data path into a maze of math
She found a wall of confusion - she found a solution
Then she walked right through the front door
With a digital laugh.

She was a real communication ace
She sent a message to her mama from outer space
She ran the satellite beam
And she left her data fingerprint all over the scene
And it said “Howdy, guy - you’ve been decrypted by
The Cowboy Hacker Queen.”

She was the Queen of them all
She was the icebreakers’doll
There never was a file deleted that she couldn’t recall
What they could write she could learn
They couldn’t stop her return
Cause she could walk right through the firewalls
And never get burned

And all the cowboys, all the computer males
They fell in love with the lady who blazed the trails
Her name was everyplace
And all the cowboys dreamed of getting in her interface
In the vernacular she was spectacular
She was the Cowboy Hacker Queen.

They put a bounty on her outlaw head
They offered millions in ransom, alive or dead
But there wasn’t a taker
All the data jockeys loved her and refused to break her
They were very resistant - but the Feds were insistant
They said “Cowboy Hacker Queen, It’s time to meet your Maker!”

But at midnight, back at the ISP
There was a voice at her window, it said “Come with me.
We’re you’re faraway friends
And we’ll take you where no one will ever jam you again.”
She went without a word, and that’s the last we heard
Of the Cowboy Hacker Queen.

They said she had to be found
They searched the nation around
They broke down every small computer store in every town.
And then the searched and they searched
They gave it all they were worth
Until it seemed she’d disappeared
Right off the face of the Earth.

And that’s the story of the Cowboy Queen
They say the Feds never found her
Cause she split the scene
But sometimes late at night
If you look up at the stars and tune your radio right
You’ll hear a “Howdy, guy - you’re being monitored by
The Cowboy Hacker Queen.”